Moments In Our Life When Everything Changes

Here is an activity for teachers to do with graduating high school students, or for parents of students who are graduating high school. Talk about “There are Moments In Our Life When Everything Changes” (below). This might help put this life transition into context of other life transitions they’ve experienced.

If you are working with a classroom of seniors, you can also have the students do this Strength-Based Affirmation activity afterward: hand each student a piece of construction paper and have them write their name in the middle. The students are to keep passing their papers to the right, and write a thoughtful positive comment on each of their classmates papers. Keep passing until each student and teacher has written on everyone’s paper. Have each person leave with a pageful of affirmations to keep as a cherished memory. This is not unlike writing in a school yearbook except with direction, meaning and positive intent.

There Are Moments In Our Life When Everything Changes

Remember when you were in elementary school or middle school and you had your first sleep over away from your parents? Life was different after that. The world became a little bit bigger.

Remember when you first rode a two wheeler bike? Life was different after that. At some point you realized that you could go farther from your home on your own than you had ever ridden before. The world became little bit bigger.

Remember when you first had a crush on a special someone? Life was different after that. Those feelings were real and you were spending time thinking of someone other than yourself. The world opened up new possibilities and became a little bit bigger.

Remember when it was the day before your first day of high school? Figuring out what you were going to wear? Thinking about finding your way around? Life was different after that. You got there and a whole new world of teachers, students, activities, ideas and opportunities opened up. You had more choices to make – and your world became a little bit bigger.

Remember when you got your driver’s license? Life was different after that. Instead of riding your bike or waiting for a bus, all of a sudden you had the option to drive off in any direction and even end up in a different city if you felt like it. The boundaries became limitless and the world became so much bigger.

There are moments in our lives when everything changes. Now, you are at the end of your senior year and getting ready to graduate. In the years after you graduate your life will, again, go through changes and become different. It will be different because YOU will be different.

How will you change? You will be doing things you’ve never done before. You will be seeing things you’ve never seen before. You will be experiencing things you’ve never experienced before. You will be meeting people you’ve never met before. You will be imagining things you’ve never imagined before. And you will be tempted by things you’ve never been tempted by before. These changes present exciting opportunities and new challenges.

You will still have supporters in your life: your parents, family, friends, teachers. And you’ll make new supporters as you meet new people. And you will still have yourself. Believe that you are enough. Be prepared to gracefully adapt to life’s twists and turns. Life will be different when you are faced with unforeseen obstacles or detours, but you can never be truly lost or permanently stuck when you lean on your own internal wisdom, and the people who have provided firm foundations for your life.

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Movie Review: Gifted Is About Finding the Right Balance

I saw the new movie Gifted and was surprised at how well I liked it. From the previews it was hard to tell if this movie would be an accurate portrayal of giftedness. I thought it would be an unrealistic cliche of a genius kid; a cute, family-friendly flick found on cable TV. Not so. I found myself frequently nodding in agreement at how true the characters and feelings were. A lot of us teared up because we’ve experienced similar situations in real life.

Gifted is a scripted drama, not a documentary. Mary (McKenna Grace) is a 7-year old prodigy. She is being raised by her single uncle, Frank (Chris Evans). Her grandmother (Lindsay Duncan) threatens to separate them so she can send Mary to a prestigious private gifted school in a different town because she believes Mary’s intelligence to be “one in a billion”.

Being a prodigy, Mary is an extreme version of giftedness.  Still, the messages are loud and clear about asynchrony and the need for a uniquely balanced and accepting environment.

Many themes and dynamics depicted in Gifted are realistic for gifted children, their families, and their schools. Here are a few:

Asynchrony – “People my age are boring,” said Mary. She relates better to adults than to kids. Mary is homeschooled before attending a public elementary school. After a lot of trial and error, in the last scene Mary is in college physics class, wearing her Brownie uniform, and is afterward dropped off at the playground to be with her age-classmates. This was the best balance for her. Her extreme asynchrony requires that she be in various ability and interest groupings in order to have all of her academic and social needs met.

Intellectual Overexcitabilities – Mary is hyper-focused on math, her area of passion, and tries to get as much as possible out of it, with the constant need to know more. At one point Frank drags her outside to play when she can’t stop working on math equations.

Emotional Overexcitabilities – Mary has intensified feelings of fairness and trust and acts on her convictions even when it isn’t the acceptable or easy thing to do. She fights with a child who bullies another child on the bus, and she corrects adults when she feels wronged.

Expectations – Mary is told by one adult to “try being a kid.” Another adult says they should “dumb her down to a decent human being.” This movie made me think about what our responsibility is to gifted kids. Is it to nurture their potential to the fullest or to provide a “typical” childhood? And, at what cost? Is it realistically possible for both to happen at once? Anyone who has raised a gifted child knows the complexity this causes.

Gifted shows how various family members and educators have differences of opinion about what Mary needs. For when a child is identified as gifted it impacts everyone in their world, not just the student. It is a label that carries a lot of weight and affects a lot of people. Frank’s biggest fear raising Mary was that he’d “mess it up.” How many of us as parents of gifted kids have struggled with the same fear?

In deciding who she wants to raise her, Mary says to her uncle, “You wanted me before I was smart”. Gifted kids are complex individuals who need to be loved and accepted for who they are and not for what they can do. If our goal is to have a happy child, then as parents we might be charged with piecing together different opportunities in order to find the right balance. Their happiness will be the best indicator of whether or not we got the balance right.

A final note. Being gifted isn’t only about academics and grades. Actress McKenna Grace is a gifted young actress who does a brilliant job playing Mary.

I rate Gifted 4 out of 5 stars. I’ll be seeing it again. If you’re raising a gifted child or work with gifted students you should see this movie.

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Supporting Transgender Students and Their Families

Recently, the Superintendent of the Boulder Valley School District, my employer, sent out a memo affirming the School Board’s support for transgender students. This was a reaction from President Trump rescinding protections for them, and not allowing them to use bathrooms corresponding with their gender identity. The memo confirmed that the school district’s position is to continue the present practices of supporting these students and their families.

Since I write about gifted on this web site, I want to point out that I have observed that transgender and gifted have something in common. It has been my experience over the years that a large percentage of transgender and gender fluid students at my high school are also gifted students. They have unique social and emotional needs.

I am proud to work in a district and in a high school that understands that we need to support students for what they bring to the learning environment, and not have it be regulated by the sex on their birth certificate. ALL students have the right to a safe learning environment while they are in our school.

The BVSD Superintendent’s letter is below followed by my supportive reply of gratitude.

Dear BVSD Parents, Guardians and Staff
On Wednesday, February 22, President Trump rescinded protections for transgender students allowing them to use bathrooms corresponding with their gender identity; it is a retraction of guidance provided by President Obama last summer.

Boulder Valley School District will maintain our present practice supporting transgender students and their families as we have in the past. Our position is consistent with the district’s equity values and our district mission and vision. Our guidelines supporting students and staff who are transgender may be found in the Policies section of the district website at

We appreciate that Colorado state law also forbids discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in public places — including schools. Colorado Chalkbeat published an informative article about this on Wednesday.

BVSD remains committed to providing a safe learning environment for all students.

Dr. Bruce K. Messinger

Hello Dr. Messinger,
I want to thank BVSD for upholding principles and reason and maintaining BVSD’s present practice of supporting transgender students and families.

As the TAG Advisor at Fairview High School for the past eleven years, I have become close to many of our transgender students. Many transgender students are also identified as gifted. I’m not sure of the correlation, if any, but it does seem rather high. I’ve had the privilege of becoming a trusted adult to many of them as they try to understand themselves and fit into the school system and into the world in general.

Regarding allowing them to use bathrooms corresponding with their gender identity, I feel it is a practice that helps preserve their dignity. It’s hard enough to be a teenager, much less to stand out in a way that’s often not accepted. Most teens simply want support in being who they are.

One of Fairview’s graduated transgender students, while a student at CU Boulder, committed suicide recently. This student was incredibly talented, loving, sensitive, and kind. Their needs were unconditionally accommodated both at Fairview and at CU. However, their family situation was extremely contentious. There’s only so much schools can do to overcome the feeling a student has of being raised feeling like they’ve shamed and disappointed their family. I will always be proud of Fairview and CU for accepting, accommodating, and supporting this incredible person. I know that as communities that accept gender diversity, Fairview and CU provided this student with solace, understanding, and some happiness. The sadness and senselessness of their death was a huge loss for so many of us.

Dr. Messigner, thank you for understanding the bigger picture. Our students are trying to figure themselves out, and understand others as they go through life and, at the same time, so many of our students are reeling from political uncertainties in our world. Add to this the fact that we are responsible for giving young people a quality education.

People don’t thrive cognitively unless their affective (social and emotional) needs are being met. I can think of nothing more important than for BVSD to continue to provide a place that maintains practices that preserve our students’ dignity as humans for the short amount of time that they are in our charge. Only then can they be in a mindset that is open to what we are providing them in the classroom.

Terry Bradley, MA
Gifted & Talented Advisor
Fairview High School

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Keep Calm and Believe You Can Do It

I recently gave a “Pep Talk” to 75 high school second semester juniors. These students have self-selected into the most rigorous program our school offers, the IB Diploma. At our high school, this is a program that any junior can enter – they don’t have to be invited or test in, as is the case at most other high schools’ IB Diploma programs. However, as a result of it’s rigor and demands, only a small percentage of our juniors opt in.

When students step up to take on the most challenging programs or activities a school offers, it’s important to remember that they need our continued support along the way. Even though they are capable and motivated, we still need to provide them with adult wisdom and guidance. Just because they’re smart doesn’t mean school will always be easy for them, and for many that’s a sobering realization. They’ll have ups and downs, no matter how smart they are, or how devoted they seem to a given path. Validating how they’re feeling, and giving them tips on how to be successful, helps to keep them motivated and confident.

Written below is what I said to these high school students.  Maybe you can modify it to be useful to you in some way, as you encourage students facing stress and challenge in your own school.

You are here. Everything you’ve done in your life so far, has led you here. To this IB Diploma program. To this room. Your curious nature as you were growing up, your interest in knowing and in learning about the world around you, your desire to be engaged in life and not just sit on the sidelines, your ability to work hard and learn from your successes and your failures, the affirmations and guidance you received from parents, teachers, and friends along the way, your own belief in your own capabilities. Also, whether you grew up in Boulder, transferred schools, or moved to this area from somewhere else. All these things have led you to this room. To the Diploma.

Some of you are excited, some are worried, some are overwhelmed, some are scared to death, and some are relieved to finally get to this level in high school. But make a firm commitment to believe in yourself and what you are capable of doing. Because you made it here. To this room.

So, this is your life. This is what you signed up for. What are some of the things you’ll experience in the process of doing the Diploma? And, what are some of the things that will help you be successful in it?

Right now you have your eyes on the prize… the coveted IB Diploma. But is it worth it to you to do what it will take to get you there? And do you have the right mindset to get you there? You need to want it, and you need to believe you can get there.

So what will you do when some days (or, many days) you won’t have the energy or confidence to do what’s expected of you? Your internal dialogue has a huge influence on whether you can do it or not. Some days you’re literally not going to “feel” it. You’ll have those conversations in your head, “It’s too hard.” “I can’t do this” “What was I thinking?” “Why even try?” “I’m not cut out for this. ”We need to talk to our Selves, instead of letting our Selves talk to us. Most of our unhappiness in life happens because we are still letting our Self talk negatively to us.

This Self of ours has got to be handled. Remind your Self of what you know, instead of allowing it to drag you down and handle you. This isn’t about blind faith and false pretenses. When you start to doubt yourself, think back to times you were able to succeed.

Have faith in yourself. It’s important that you keep telling yourself you can do it, even when you’re in doubt. When you start to doubt yourself, think about all the times you worked really hard and it paid off. And how good that felt.

Think about how you felt when you were told all about the requirements of the Extended Essay. What was some of the negative self-talk you experienced? What was some of the positive self-talk?

And, are you a person that goes through scenarios in your mind over something totally fictional that have no bearing on your real life? You blow something up and imagine the worst-case scenario? How you’ll fail this test and then fail the class and then not get the Diploma, not get into the college of your choice, not have a good career, and be a failure in life? The fear of being mediocre is a very real fear for many of you.

We all have baggage. What baggage are you carrying with you coming in to the Diploma program? Most of you learned that you’re not the only one struggling with baggage and negative self talk. But in order to reach the finish line, you’ll have to let some of it go. It will weigh you down and cause you to fail or to quit.

It’s also important to be in full acknowledgement of what you’re feeling. “I’m scared, but I’m still going through with this”, or, “I’m overwhelmed but I’m still going through with this.” The bad feelings will lose their power over you if you acknowledge how you’re feeling, and the negative feelings won’t sneak up on you and sabotage your efforts because you’re acknowledging them first. Putting it out there keeps you honest with yourself, while you also give yourself a pep talk. Stay the course, realize that you’re capable of what you have to do (because you made it to this room, didn’t you?), and eventually you’ll feel it was worth it.

There’s something about building community with your fellow students that completes the enjoyment. The process of getting the Diploma can be more gratifying if you’re not going it alone. Don’t just have your eye on the piece of paper at the end of your senior year. Know that there’s a wealth of value and learning in the process itself. There is much to look forward to right here, right now. Not just off in the future. It’s hard to believe, but this is going to pass quickly. So build friendships, help each other, support each other, be good to yourself, ask for help when you need it.

Things that feel impossible will become possible if you get support along the way. Some of you will struggle more than others. Some of you will sink into despair, some will be dismayed, and your stamina will be tested many times. But remind yourself that you’re not in this alone, and others are feeling like you are.

The teachers in the Program, also want to help you accomplish your goals in getting the Diploma. And although the value of the assignments and projects may be hard to understand at times, trust them to know this is the best way to get you there. You may not understand it now, but it will make more sense in the end. And everyone will take care of you if you trust, and if you ask for help along the way. So if your “boat” is taking on water and you’re sinking, please seek help, support. Many of you said that you had someone in the building that you could talk to. For the rest of you, I hope you’ll consider ME to be that someone.

And after you get to the other side, and you’re in college, you’ll look back and actually thank the program for what it taught you. Just like your life up to this point… There have been ups and downs all along, and they all led you to where you ended up, here, to a coveted place.

So, take small steps forward, keep your eye on the finish line, and let us help you on this journey. Today is not the day to quit. Maybe you will wonder about that again tomorrow, or at some other point down the line. Try to take it one day at a time, and every day you stay in the program, you’re one day closer to the finish line.

And remember. You are here. Right now. And what you’re going to think about and do once you leave this room is the rest of your high school experience. Get excited about that! You don’t need the Diploma to have a good rest of your life. But I do think that most of you would regret it if you didn’t at least go for it, and give it your best shot.

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Keep One Ear Out

Amanda. I learned so much from her about Imaginational Overexcitabilites during her four years in high school.

Amanda showed up in my office as a freshman with her jet black hair hanging in messy shards over her glasses. As the high school’s Gifted & Talented Coordinator I understood that something was drawing her into my office, I just didn’t know what. So I asked questions and I listened.


I learned, first of all, that her life was fueled by music. Loud music. Music that was heavy and deep. Music that resonated with the complex emotions of her feelings.

I also learned that she was a perfectionistic artist. Her pencil drawings could have come to life they were so real. I was awe struck. But her drawings were rarely good enough for her. The anime characters she created were more than art to her. When her friends weren’t there to hang out with, her anime characters would “come to life and walk with her to class.”

When Amanda first told me this I was both worried and fascinated. I explained Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities to her since I felt she was exhibiting them. But, knowing that mental illness can also affect someone’s reality, I consulted with a psychologist friend to determine whether or not I should be concerned about Amanda. The psychologist recommended I ask Amanda, “Do these anime characters ever tell you what to do?” I did and she responded, “Mrs. Bradley, they are a figment of my imagination, so no, they don’t tell me what to do. I am in control of them, not the other way around.” I was less concerned.

Amanda’s ability to lose herself in her imagination was her salvation, and ultimately her demise. She had been out of high school for a few years when she was walking to her job along the railroad tracks near her home, as she had been doing for months, and listening to music wearing noise cancellation headphones. She didn’t hear or see the train coming behind her. The headphones blocked out the blaring train whistle. And the train couldn’t stop.

If I had known how her life would end, what would I have said differently to her all those years ago? Have I learned anything from Amanda about Imaginational Overexcitabilities that will help me enlighten other gifted students about their own inventiveness in this area?

First of all, I will celebrate their remarkable abilities to utilize their incredible and creative imaginations. Then, I will caution them that while the temptation to live in an alternative universe of imagery and invention may be strong, not to lose themselves to the extent that they shut out reality entirely. Keep one ear out. Let’s keep our loved ones safe by cautioning them to be wary of becoming all-consumed in a world of fantasy.

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Develop Non-Cognitive Skills to Assure Students’ Success

I spent five days in Phoenix, AZ at NAGC’s 62nd annual conference. I came back with some innovative new ideas, fresh ways of thinking, and helpful strategies to share with my students and my colleagues.

NAGC-2015-logo-webOne session in particular stands out in my mind. The title was Developing and Assessing Non-Cognitive Skills Among Gifted Learners given by Katrina Weimholt. She is the Program Director for the Civic Education Project at the Center for Talent Development at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL.

This session stood out from others for me for a few reasons.  First, it was information that I thoroughly resonate with and have been preaching about (although using different words) for years now. Second, it was based on a recent research project titled Teaching Adolescents to Become Learners, that was done at the University of Chicago in 2012. And third, it is information that is applicable in all of our classrooms, at all levels, everywhere.

The most valuable takeaway from the session Developing and Assessing Non-Cognitive Skills Among Gifted Learners was that the research shows that the best indicators of success are not high GPA and high grades. Think about that. The best indicators of success are not GPA and grades! The X factor is non-cognitive skills.  And a very important point is that educators play a crucial role in developing these skills in students.

What are these non-cognitive skills, and how can we develop them in our students, in order to assure their success? These are the five categories of non-cognitive skills:

  1. Academic Behaviors such as attendance, preparedness and organization, doing homework, and studying.
  2. Academic Perseverance such as grit, delayed gratification, self-discipline, and self control.
  3. Academic Mindsets such as feeling like “I belong in this academic community” and “My ability grows with my effort” and “I can succeed at this” and “This work has value for me”.
  4. Learning Strategies such as study skills, metacognitive skills, self-regulated learning, and goal setting.
  5. Social Skills such as interpersonal skills, empathy, cooperation, assertion, and responsibility.

OK, so how do we help develop these skills in our students?

First of all, we have to be aware of these factors and relay the information to our students. If a student is lacking in one or more of these areas, then we need to provide an intervention to get them on track. And then we need to monitor that intervention and see if it is making a difference.

Specifically, what does this look like?

We need to help them develop these “soft skills” by setting up some ground rules in our school, or classroom, to begin with. Is there an honor code that sets the tone for how we work together? If not, create one. Then use team building activities so that students will gain a sense of belonging and promote relationship building with diverse groups in the school community.

Make sure they are interacting and working toward goals together, in a collaborative way. Provide them with support through any transition periods in their lives, such as moving from middle school to high school, or from high school into college.

Make sure the instructional classroom practices include choice and relevance so they will be motivated to work. Then provide ongoing feedback of their work, and provide out of school programs like mentoring and service-learning that help them be a part of the bigger picture.

How do we assess these non-cognitive skills to know that they are working?

We can give them attitude surveys, observe their behaviors, give them a student performance rubric that establishes clear expectations and asks them to self-assess how well they are achieving in each of these five areas.

For example, a rating scale could be determined that uses these benchmarks: beginning, developing, proficient, advanced. Give them examples to demonstrate each rating, such as what it would look like if they achieved a “proficient” status, or an “advanced” status.

As the instructor, you should be keeping notes, using assessments, and recording specific examples of your student’s behavior, as well, in addition to providing them with specific feedback at intervals, to provide them with opportunities to grow. This rubric can be a tool which helps them grow their non-cognitive skills, which will, in turn, help them to be more successful learners.

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Talented and Gifted at Fairview High School Explained

The TAG (Talented and Gifted) program at Fairview High School was the focus of a project called Spotlight. Various school clubs, programs and causes had videos created by the advanced film students in Lanny Boyer’s class. Why a TAG video? With almost 30% of our student population identified as TAG, I felt it was important to highlight the program because there is much misunderstanding about what it is, what it means, and opportunities TAG students have at our high school.


To supplement the six minute video I’ve written longer explanations to these questions I was asked, and answered some other questions that didn’t appear in the video.

Q: What does being TAG mean?

TB: TAG stands for Talented and Gifted. Giftedness is a psychological term. In psychology, there has always been an interest in human potential and range of abilities. Gifted individuals are considered outliers in psychology. They are generally people with an IQ of 130 or above (the average IQ is 100). Or, people who show an outstanding ability in one or more areas. That can be in academics, but it can also be in leadership, creativity, sports, theater, music. It’s important to note that there are many twice exceptional individuals too. That means that they are gifted, but they also have learning disabilities. The most common disabilities in gifted students are ADD, ADHD, and other Learning Disabilities that affect processing of information. It’s also important to mention that just because an individual has the potential for outstanding abilities, they don’t always demonstrate it. We consider this underachievement, meaning not working up to your potential. It doesn’t mean they’re no longer gifted, it just means they aren’t using their gifts and talents at the levels at which they could. Jim Delisle calls these individuals “selective consumers,” he says if you see a student who is underachieving in areas you would like him/her to achieve, look to see where they ARE achieving. It may not be in school-related activities.

Q: How is one identified as TAG in the Boulder Valley School District?

TB: In the educational setting, we don’t give IQ tests. Psychologists are the only ones who can give IQ tests. So, we often have to rely on a different body of evidence. We rely on Ability Tests like the CogAT, the Naglieri, the Ravens, and the Woodcock Johnson. We also rely on Achievement Tests like CMAS, former TCAPs and CSAPs, PSAT, SAT, ACT. And we rely on other data like Teacher Inventories, Parent Inventories, and observation. In BVSD we require that 6 pieces of evidence be compiled in order to make an identification of TAG. We’re looking for scores in the 95th percentile or above, and students who are outstanding in certain areas. So, you can see that it’s not “by chance” that a student becomes identified in BVSD. In the state of CO 8% of the students K-12 are identified as gifted. In BVSD the numbers are closer to 14%. At Fairview, the percentage is close to 30% identified. In Boulder there’s a lot of intelligence in the gene pool, AND there are enriching resources and opportunities in our community that nurture children as they grow. These two factors (nature & nurture) combined create a population that is above average in intelligence.  But giftedness is present in all socio-economic populations and all cultural and ethnic communities.

Q: What’s going on at Fairview that we have over 25% identified?

TB: In addition to being in the midst of an educated population in Boulder, Fairview also open enrolls many students who want to come to our school because of our amazing rigor and opportunities in education, sports, performing arts & visual arts. So, we draw the type of student who is motivated, intelligent, and driven. The students who want to get in to Fairview aren’t scared of working hard. So, this mentality permeates our school climate. It drives students to succeed. It can also ramp up the anxiety levels, which is why Fairview is doing so much to help alleviate student stress. But our high achieving student population sets the pace at Fairview. Knowing that so many students in our school community are students that really require advanced programming in order to learn at their level of ability justifies why we offer so many advanced classes.

Fairview High School TAG Bradley

Q: How is the TAG program unique?

TB: At Fairview we have TAG lunches. This is all about getting gifted students together where they can have a place to be themselves, and to meet other students who think and feel like they do. When we get together it’s to understand all of this better & to do activities that help relieve stress. We also just have fun together, play games, and hang out.

Q: How does TAG at Fairview differ from TAG in Colorado?

TB: TAG differs at Fairview because my focus for our students is, first and foremost, on the social & emotional aspects of giftedness. I don’t run programs or competitions. The focus at Fairview is more about understanding and becoming more aware of how you, and others, feel.  In the gifted population there can be more sensitivity, more intensity, more perfectionism, more stress, and higher expectations and pressure.

Q: Do you find a correlation between TAG students and social challenges?

TB: Just like any student, some TAG students are outgoing, extraverted & comfortable socially, and others are more introverted and uncomfortable in social situations. Research has shown that the higher the IQ in an individual, the more likely they will be introverted. So, students who are on the higher end of the IQ spectrum, might be more withdrawn, by virtue of their introversion. Also, it’s important to keep in mind that students who are academic outliers may be the focus of bullying or resentment in some school populations.  And it may be harder for them to find like minded peers at their school, which would make finding friends, and engaging socially, more challenging. But it is definitely a myth that giftedness = social difficulty.

Q: What do you think the most important thing for people to know about TAG students is?

TB: I think it’s sad that many people feel that it is elitist to say someone is intellectually gifted. If someone has a natural talent for a sport, and they want to climb to the top of their game, the family and the school work together to get the best possible opportunities and coaching for the student. It makes sense, because they have talent and motivation. It’s exciting to see them perform. If, however, a student has a talent for math or history, the parents are often misread as pushing the student if they try to get their child into higher level classes, beyond their classmates. Instead of nurturing their natural academic ability, often these students and parents are told to be patient and not push themselves too hard. Instead of “exciting,” the pathway of these students is often seen as premature coercion. Why the difference? Why can’t society be as happy for the advanced math or history student, as for the varsity athlete? It’s a double standard, and it’s unfair.

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“With So Many Books, Where Do I Start?”
Recommended Reading On Giftedness

I am often asked by both parents and educators, “There are so many books on gifted, where should I start?” Search “books on gifted” on Amazon and you’ll get over 10,000 results. If you’re looking for a good entry point regarding giftedness, these three books always surface to the top of my list.


A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children

Why you should read it: If you are the parent of a gifted child, you owe it to yourself and to your child to become well acquainted with the characteristics of giftedness, as well as other critical realizations to be aware of as you nurture your child. In this book you’ll learn strategies such as effective communication, promoting sibling synergy, implementing useful discipline techniques, how to support your child finding peers, and tips to manage stress and anxiety.
A Parent’s Guide to Gifted ChildrenRaising children, in general, is quite challenging. Raising a gifted child can be more challenging, and raising a twice exceptional child adds even more challenge.

A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children provides the knowledge and vocabulary necessary to allow a parent to feel qualified enough to adequately advocate for their child in school and social situations.

The precursor to this book, Guiding The Gifted Child, was THE handbook regarding parenting gifted kids. It was the book that set me, as the mother of a young gifted child, on my own personal path in the 1990’s.  I felt affirmation as I was reading it. Finally, someone understood what it was like to be in my situation.

The same lead author of Guiding the Gifted Child, Jim Webb, was the lead author of A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children. It’s a good update of the original classic. Included in the book are chapters on raising twice exceptional children, how to find a school that is the best fit for your child, and how to go about finding professional help, if needed.

A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children
by James T. Webb, Janet L. Gore, Edward R. Amend, Arlene R. DeVries

Living With Intensity

Why you should read it: This book is a gem! It helps us unpack and honor the emotional components of intensity, and offers strategies on managing and living with it. I greatly appreciate the fact that the chapters are written by a variety of different authors who are all highly respected and credible in the field. Their diverse perspectives combine to give us a multi-faceted view of intensity, with all its wondrous and challenging aspects.

Living With IntensityThere are hundreds of words that are used to describe the assorted characteristics of giftedness because there is so much diversity in the gifted population.  There is not a single profile, or cookie-cutter depiction, of giftedness. Jim Webb, respected author and gifted child psychologist, says that of all these numerous words used to describe giftedness, the one trait that ALL gifted individuals have in common is INTENSITY.

Think about gifted children and adults that you know. I am certain that you would agree that they are either inwardly or outwardly intense. Living With Intensity is spot on in explaining what is going on that is causing this intensity. It also shows us how the intensity manifests itself. Starting with explanations about Dabrowski’s “Theory of Positive Disintegration and Overexcitabilities”, we are guided through chapters on how to better understand this intensity, various counseling and clinical applications, why perfectionism is common among the gifted, and how giftedness and intensity are exhibited over the lifespan. “Gifted individuals not only think differently, they feel differently too,” said Linda Silverman.

Living With Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and the Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults
edited by Susan Daniels, Michael M. Piechowski

101 Success Secrets For Gifted Kids

Why I would recommend it: I think that most people who work in the field of gifted, or who are raising gifted kids, appreciate knowing about books that offer topics that can be used for meaningful conversation starters.

101 Success Secrets For Gifted KidsThis book can be viewed as a self-help manual for kids themselves, it can be viewed as a resource with which educators can get ideas for GT discussion groups, and it can be used as a helpful aid with which parents can discover relevant topics to chat about with their children.

It is very adaptable, and is generally written for gifted kids aged 8-12. However, I use the 101 success secrets Fonseca lists as a jumping off point for conversations with my high school students. Sometimes less is more, and each point is covered in a page or two. What is valuable is the conversation that results with the kids, so that they can “own” the topics and make it relevant to their lives, whether they’re in elementary, middle, or high school.

101 Success Secrets For Gifted Kids
by Christine Fonseca

See more recommended books about parenting gifted children and social/emotional.

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Recommended Reading On Giftedness

Gifted & Talented Women Who Are Moms

At a time when my life is consumed with reading books, blogs and articles to benefit the gifted students I teach, the article, “The Special Challenges of Highly Intelligent and Talented Women Who are Moms”, by Dr. Belinda Seiger, really struck a chord with me.  This article made me pause for self reflection. How often do you pause for self reflection?

Dr. Seiger’s says “In my private psychotherapy practice and in my personal life, I have known many gifted women who seem to possess what I refer to as the ‘rage to achieve.’ They are constantly driven to learn, to create and to be intellectually productive even while raising young children. What distinguishes these women from their ambitious counterparts is that their motivation is not financial security, accolades or professional visibility; but their love for the process of learning, creating and involvement in a field or arena that holds deep interest and fascination for them. Many of these women face periods of frustration when the demands of family and their need for intellectual immersion collides.”

Giftedness can manifest itself in different ways, and at different times in people’s life. If you will indulge me in taking a walk down memory lane, I’ll describe to you what this looked like for me as I was growing up and what I learned about myself.

I always knew that I was a good student, but I had a highly gifted older brother in whose shadow I always lived. He wasn’t only answering the questions, he was asking them, sometimes to the dismay of others. In 5th grade when his class assignment was to write about a hero, my brother chose Adolph Hitler. Although his teacher tried to explain why Hitler wasn’t a worthy subject to write about, my brother argued that even though he didn’t view Hitler as a personal hero, Hitler was once seen as a hero by millions of people. I was never that confrontational. I would have happily written about John F. Kennedy because that topic wouldn’t have caused any uneasiness and wouldn’t have been questioned. I have always avoided conflict. I believe my brother thrived on it.

My memories of middle school and high school were of people, of feelings, of the way I felt and the way others felt. I would be hard pressed to tell you one thing I learned in one class. But I got my good grades because that’s what I was supposed to do. The thought of being advanced or gifted never crossed my mind because I wasn’t motivated to push myself and I certainly didn’t invite challenge.

In looking back, I realize that I was always tuned in to people’s feelings, and I was always wanting to understand people and help people. I was the person who would smile and say “hi” to the kid who everyone else made fun of. I was the one who tried to have a conversation with the student with epilepsy who was highly medicated and went through his day in a daze, because no one else talked to him. I became the “Ambassador for New Students” to my school. My social life was much more memorable & enjoyable than anything I ever learned academic-wise. I understand all these years later that social/emotional is my calling. It has served me well although it was never highly revered or admired when I was young.

I now know all these years later that my brother was more of a “traditionally gifted” person. He displayed intellectual giftedness. Whereas, my strengths were social and emotional in nature, with a talent for leadership. While my talents in school were much harder to quantify, they became more apparent when I got out of the academic school environment.

As I grew up, got married, and began to have a family, it became very apparent to me that my son was vastly ahead of the developmental chart in What To Expect When You’re Expecting. He was doing things much earlier than predicted in the book. Although I wasn’t a gifted student in the academic world, my talents nurtured me into becoming a gifted parent. I read voraciously, went to gifted conferences, went back to school to get a masters in gifted education, and set about to educate others about giftedness. My intensity manifested itself in learning all that I could about the subject. I superseded all of my own expectations about what I was capable of achieving.

So, back to the article that I mentioned at the beginning. For many parents such as myself who stayed at home with young children, there is a desire and a passion to strive for something beyond just ’round the clock childcare. I found that my talents fervently displayed themselves when I became a mother. The momentum continued when my daughter was born and I expanded my knowledge and understanding of her giftedness, as well.

“Women channel their desire for knowledge in a variety of directions; some embrace motherhood and their children as their new projects with the same intensity that they pursued neuroscience. They pursue all there is to know about every stage and phase of their children’s lives and find fulfillment in doing so,” says Dr. Seiger.

I can absolutely see that this is what I did. My son and his identification became my project. I was insatiable. Being a conflict avoider, I tried as hard as possible to not create dissension along the way. The more I learned, the more I wanted to know.  And the more I knew, the more I wanted to share with others. I am still doing this today through my involvement with gifted at the local, state and national level.

“Suddenly, such women (and men) realize their own capabilities and look back on lives where their gifts may have been overlooked, ignored or misunderstood,” says Dr. Seiger.

This is where I am now. My mission was to raise my children with a multi-focused lens and then to pass what I have learned on to others. According to Goertzel & Goertzel, women more often become eminent later in life, largely due to the fact that they are involved in raising children and their professional lives are often put on hold.

Although not always understood by others, my “rage to achieve” served my children well. I couldn’t be more proud of the people they have become, and I realize that my efforts helped to move them past potential barriers in the education system. Plus, I learned much along the way that now benefits other parents on similar journeys.

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Underachieving or Refusing to Play the Game?

I agree 100% with the article “Gifted Underachievers: Underachieving or Refusing To Play the Game?” I recently had a student tell me that he was not motivated to do anything about his D in a class because, even though he could get a better grade, that would send a message to the teacher that he cared about the class. He had no interest in the required class, and felt that the teacher wasn’t effective at teaching the subject. This student was making a clear statement about how he felt, even though it meant sabotaging himself. It often takes more integrity to let go of the system, than to suck it up and move forward with something a student finds irrelevant, uninteresting, with no meaning. Giving up is something that IS under their control.

When we label a student as an underachiever, the message we are sending is that they are lazy and unmotivated. Often, these same students are very motivated and passionate about something, often unrelated to school. They may be interested in areas that are quite different from what they are getting in school (making musical instruments, synchronized swimming, designing skis, composing music, coding, gaming, etc.) These students are spending great amounts of time and energy engaged in their personal areas of interest… their passion. Jim Delisle prefers to describe these children as “selective consumers”.

We are all about trying to help students find their passions, but if they happen to settle on an area that is not school-specific, are we as supportive? If their areas of interest happen to not be what school values as “highly credible,” or college-significant, those interests are often discounted and regarded as less worthy. I’ve talked to the parents of students who are gifted in music or in art, who are actively trying to discourage their children from pursuing these areas, and trying to get them to shift their energy to math and science classes. This sends a clear message to their child that their natural passions and interests are not valued.

I’m not sure what the answer is. There’s no doubt that school has value on many levels, both academic and social. I do think there needs to be more choice in school, with more meaningful applications of the material learned. For many students, school is just something to endure, and there is no joy of learning involved. If less time were spent on homework and testing, there would be more time for students to spend on things they do love. Instead, many go from enduring the school day, to being bogged down by homework every evening, taking up any free time they may have spent doing something they actually enjoyed. I feel that students must have time to develop their talents and interests beyond school. Doing things we love gives us the energy to do all the other stuff we need to get through.

I highly recommend reading Celi Trépanier’s blog Crushing Tall Poppies.

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