Gifted & Talented Women Who Are Moms

At a time when my life is consumed with reading books, blogs and articles to benefit the gifted students I teach, the article, “The Special Challenges of Highly Intelligent and Talented Women Who are Moms”, by Dr. Belinda Seiger, really struck a chord with me.  This article made me pause for self reflection. How often do you pause for self reflection?

Dr. Seiger’s says “In my private psychotherapy practice and in my personal life, I have known many gifted women who seem to possess what I refer to as the ‘rage to achieve.’ They are constantly driven to learn, to create and to be intellectually productive even while raising young children. What distinguishes these women from their ambitious counterparts is that their motivation is not financial security, accolades or professional visibility; but their love for the process of learning, creating and involvement in a field or arena that holds deep interest and fascination for them. Many of these women face periods of frustration when the demands of family and their need for intellectual immersion collides.”

Giftedness can manifest itself in different ways, and at different times in people’s life. If you will indulge me in taking a walk down memory lane, I’ll describe to you what this looked like for me as I was growing up and what I learned about myself.

I always knew that I was a good student, but I had a highly gifted older brother in whose shadow I always lived. He wasn’t only answering the questions, he was asking them, sometimes to the dismay of others. In 5th grade when his class assignment was to write about a hero, my brother chose Adolph Hitler. Although his teacher tried to explain why Hitler wasn’t a worthy subject to write about, my brother argued that even though he didn’t view Hitler as a personal hero, Hitler was once seen as a hero by millions of people. I was never that confrontational. I would have happily written about John F. Kennedy because that topic wouldn’t have caused any uneasiness and wouldn’t have been questioned. I have always avoided conflict. I believe my brother thrived on it.

My memories of middle school and high school were of people, of feelings, of the way I felt and the way others felt. I would be hard pressed to tell you one thing I learned in one class. But I got my good grades because that’s what I was supposed to do. The thought of being advanced or gifted never crossed my mind because I wasn’t motivated to push myself and I certainly didn’t invite challenge.

In looking back, I realize that I was always tuned in to people’s feelings, and I was always wanting to understand people and help people. I was the person who would smile and say “hi” to the kid who everyone else made fun of. I was the one who tried to have a conversation with the student with epilepsy who was highly medicated and went through his day in a daze, because no one else talked to him. I became the “Ambassador for New Students” to my school. My social life was much more memorable & enjoyable than anything I ever learned academic-wise. I understand all these years later that social/emotional is my calling. It has served me well although it was never highly revered or admired when I was young.

I now know all these years later that my brother was more of a “traditionally gifted” person. He displayed intellectual giftedness. Whereas, my strengths were social and emotional in nature, with a talent for leadership. While my talents in school were much harder to quantify, they became more apparent when I got out of the academic school environment.

As I grew up, got married, and began to have a family, it became very apparent to me that my son was vastly ahead of the developmental chart in What To Expect When You’re Expecting. He was doing things much earlier than predicted in the book. Although I wasn’t a gifted student in the academic world, my talents nurtured me into becoming a gifted parent. I read voraciously, went to gifted conferences, went back to school to get a masters in gifted education, and set about to educate others about giftedness. My intensity manifested itself in learning all that I could about the subject. I superseded all of my own expectations about what I was capable of achieving.

So, back to the article that I mentioned at the beginning. For many parents such as myself who stayed at home with young children, there is a desire and a passion to strive for something beyond just ’round the clock childcare. I found that my talents fervently displayed themselves when I became a mother. The momentum continued when my daughter was born and I expanded my knowledge and understanding of her giftedness, as well.

“Women channel their desire for knowledge in a variety of directions; some embrace motherhood and their children as their new projects with the same intensity that they pursued neuroscience. They pursue all there is to know about every stage and phase of their children’s lives and find fulfillment in doing so,” says Dr. Seiger.

I can absolutely see that this is what I did. My son and his identification became my project. I was insatiable. Being a conflict avoider, I tried as hard as possible to not create dissension along the way. The more I learned, the more I wanted to know.  And the more I knew, the more I wanted to share with others. I am still doing this today through my involvement with gifted at the local, state and national level.

“Suddenly, such women (and men) realize their own capabilities and look back on lives where their gifts may have been overlooked, ignored or misunderstood,” says Dr. Seiger.

This is where I am now. My mission was to raise my children with a multi-focused lens and then to pass what I have learned on to others. According to Goertzel & Goertzel, women more often become eminent later in life, largely due to the fact that they are involved in raising children and their professional lives are often put on hold.

Although not always understood by others, my “rage to achieve” served my children well. I couldn’t be more proud of the people they have become, and I realize that my efforts helped to move them past potential barriers in the education system. Plus, I learned much along the way that now benefits other parents on similar journeys.

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